Women are like Golf 5

“Here is some help turning that light of awareness on. Women talk to connect. It is not so much what they say as that they’re sharing with you. When they’re thrilled about something, or angry, or anything in between, they frequently want to tell you about it so they can share that feeling with you. So if you remember that she’s trying to connect with you, it will help.

“But to even things out, you should clarify to her that you are not really into the same stuff. And that you’re not as good a listener as her girlfriends might be. But tell her when she’s excited about something, you’ll pay attention, but not to wait for it all the time.

“Compare yourself to a computer. Tell her it’s more than your computer can handle and when there’s information overload, your computer just freezes up. She may not like it, but she’ll be grateful for that you want to listen and that you’re responsive of her need to share.”

“This is fascinating. Connecting, huh? I had no idea.” Micheal was looking a bit mystified. 

Connecting..

 “Yes, what she is really doing when she talks to you, at least most of the time, is connecting with you. She and her girlfriends share to connect and the more deeply they share, meaning talking about their feelings, the more deeply they attach with each other. She wants that same feeling of connection with you. It’s very significant to her. It’s like her means of support. It’s what makes it all meaningful.

“So if the details become too much for you, ask her how it makes her feel. Then it will be more personal. Just try to find a balance and stay open to communicating what’s going on for you. It’s the greatest souvenir you can give

her and the easiest way to make her happy; listen to her and let her know what’s going on for you.”

“Coach, I can see how that’s almost certainly one of the major reasons my relationships fall apart. I’m blameworthy of not listening. No wonder they dump me.” Micheal put his head in his hands as he realized he’d lost out on some great opportunities with the women he’d loved.

“Micheal, it’s never too late to begin to do it right. You’ve never had education so why would you think you’d be an expert at this stuff? Most guys don’t have a hint, they just make it up as they go.

“Here’s some delicate stuff. Do you think you’re a good lover?”

Micheal squirmed and said, “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

“How did you learn to make love to a woman? Bits of information here and there?”

Micheal nodded, afraid to meet his coach’s stare, realizing there was perhaps a lot more to be taught on this subject as well.

“I don’t think most men are very good lovers. Most men are happy with the snack bar at the turn. A quick sandwich and off to the tenth hole. Like the microwave. Zap! And it’s done. Or the big drive and no short game, no elegance”.

“With women, you need to use the oven. Look at any recipe and it says, ‘pre-heat oven.’ This is not snack bar time. It’s gourmet cooking.

“Romance is the key. Guys think romance is getting her ready for sex. That’s absolutely incorrect. Romance is something you do all the time to keep her in the mood to being open to having sex.

“Did you get that? There’s a clever difference. You want to keep her in the mood to being ‘open to having sex’ so when you move in for the real thing, because you’ve been making her feel exceptional, she’s as ready as you are.

“It’s really getting her ‘in the mood’ to ‘get into the mood.’ When you quit doing the romantic stuff, which almost always happens once things settle down and become comfortable, she begins to shut down and then you

wonder why she thinks you’re pawing her when you want to make love.

“Romance is like a door. It stays open if you do those little considerate things all the time. The longer you go without doing those things that make her feel special, the more likely she’s not only going to shut the door, she’s likely to lock it. Remember those club dues? Romance is like paying those club dues. If you go long enough without paying, they’re not going to let you play there any more.”

“Romance, huh? It’s not natural for me to think about that kind of stuff, but it does make sense. Puts a whole new spin on things.” Micheal stared at nothing in particular, lost in his thoughts.

Coach kept talking but raised his voice to get Micheal’s attention back, “Here’s something most people aren’t conscious of. It’s not all your fault that the romance dies down. See, when you become a couple, and the time you spend together starts to be more about just hanging out at each other’s places, the liveliness shifts over to nesting, at least for her. Remember that fantasy.

“In the beginning, you are doing for her, taking care of her, making her feel really special, going on dates, making preparations and buying her gifts. She’s receiving all your interest, soaking it up. You get to be the man – which is outward – doing for her, and she gets to be the woman – all about inward – receiving.

“Then, wham! You become a couple. Her nesting instincts kick in and she becomes ‘Nellie The Nurturer’. She starts doing for you, cooking for you, maybe cleaning, serving you out, making provision for your social life. She’s happily enjoying the fantasy.

Girlfriends connecting..

“And, Micheal, what do you do when this starts happening?” Coach waited for Micheal to respond.

“I didn’t even know this was going on so how could I know?” Micheal said defensively. Coach Jake waited.

“Okay, I guess I like it. It feels nice to let her do all that for me. But what does that have to do with me being less romantic?”

“Of course you like it. And because all of a sudden the weight is off of you, you relax and sit back and lie around in your woman doing all that for you. But then, she begins to hint that you’re not being as romantic. She’ll say things like, ‘You don’t take me out to nice restaurants any more.’ And you’ll say, ‘Sure I do.’ But then, you realize she’s right. So you make a big production of taking her out. The problem is, the energy has shifted and you’re not focused on her and she can feel it. Every once in a while just doesn’t feel as good as when you were working to win her over.

“You both become aware of the shift in energy, but you don’t identify what has changed. She begins to whimper and complain, you begin to back off and all of a sudden, one of you decides to call it quits.”

Women are like Golf 4

“Back to our lesson.. You’ve been going out practicing, getting more confident, and becoming natural at making women feel at ease.

“Finally, you meet someone you’re fascinated to. Your practice is paying off. You’ve got her talking, laughing (women value a good sense of humor more than you can imagine), she’s even leaning in to you and has touched your arm once. The GO signals are there. She seems anxious but interested and when you ask if you can call her, she says YES.

“You are going to the first date with her. This will be the first time you’ve played this course.  So you want it to be the best round possible.

“With golf you have to pay attention to the subtlest fine points.. choosing which club to select, which side of the fairway you should aim for, are there any hazards that you have to take care of, and the lay of the green.. and even the wind. Be just as attentive and conscious with this new woman.

“With each shot, you have to pay close attention to where the ball lands. Each time you play the course, you learn the fine details. How did she respond to that last question? Is she turning out to be someone you really enjoy or are there red flags that you should pay attention to? You can’t be disorganized or you’re going to blow it. It’s about being awake instead of asleep. If she’s someone you think could be the right one, you’re talking about your future life so get off to a good start. It’s like the tee shot. If you blow it, the rest of the hole will probably not go well. And you know that if you mess up on the first hole, you could very well find the entire round a bust.”

“You know Coach, this is the first time I’ve felt like this man/woman thing makes sense. I don’t feel so ignorant. I feel like I’ll actually do better next time I meet someone. Why is that?”

“That’s a good question, Micheal. I think it’s because when we’re just living life – including interacting with women – by the seat of our pants. Everything seems to be a bit of a mystery. Eventually, we end up being staggered a lot of the time and even broadsided occasionally. As you understand of the importance of paying closer attention to what you’re doing grows, it’s kind of like a light is being turned on.”

Micheal approved, “Yeah that does make so much sense! I’m actually getting excited about what is achievable for me now. What else can you tell me, this is getting fun?” Encouraged, Coach Jake continued.

 

The fantasy of women: Their perfect prince

“Here’s what women want. As a little boy, did you play pretend wedding?”

Micheal groaned, “Geeze, Coach, no way.”

“Of course not, but she did. Don’t look so amazed, most little girls do. Did you relate to the fairy tale where the prince swept the princess off her feet and carried her off to the castle? No? I didn’t think so. But she did. So much so, she’s still kind of hoping that might happen. It’s mostly subconscious, and she knows it’s irrational, but it’s a little-girl fantasy that never quite goes away.

“With her fantasy, the problem is how do you fight with a perfect prince? You can’t. But you can compete with all the other men out there and be the man that exceeds her grown-up, womanly dreams; i.e the man she brags about when she gets together with her friends; the man other women wish their husbands or boyfriends were like.” Coach Jake took a sip of his now-cold coffee and Micheal waited for more of his intelligence.

“You’ve settled on your preferred course and are actually considering joining. It’s a big step, but you know the benefits will be well worth any sacrifices you’ll have to make to take up the expense, time and responsibility into your life. It’s what you want. You want to join this course because you feel good when you’re out there. It’s beautiful, you get to let go of your uncertainties and concerns, and belonging is.. well.. belonging!

“And Isn’t it same with a woman? She makes you feel terrific, right?. It’s the same for her: you make her feel terrific. You stay in good standing at your golf club because you pay your monthly dues and treat the course and the members with respect. The difference with her is you pay dues every day, not in cash, but to keep her feeling loved. If she feels loved, respected, beautiful, sexy, cherished and adored, she’s going to want to continue to make you feel the same. It goes both ways.

“Continue to do all the things you did when you were first winning her heart; and on top of that, add a lot of things that she would consider creative. like some notes of love, listening to her, and those little gifts for no reason and you’ll have one happy woman on your hands: a woman who is proud to have you as her husband.

“Golf is a quiet game, like most guys. It suits them just fine not to say much. But here’s where women are different. Women have a lot more to say. They really enjoy the little particulars of life.

“As an example, ask her how many shades of lipstick she has. Do you notice that she uses more than one, depending on her outfit? Maybe not. But she sure does. Fringe on the pillows? Did you even know that pillows have fringe? She does because she picked it. It’s the details, Micheal, so get used to hearing about them. Listening to her tell you about those little details that electrify her is one of the best gifts you can give her. It might make you little bit crazy but you’ll make her really happy.”

“But,” Micheal groaned, “Why do they go on and on like that? It really does put on a guy’s patience.”

Next we will turn that light of awareness on with: Women talk to connect.

Women are like Golf 3

Sincere apology for the lateness in getting on with the next part. Firstly, i was busy with life and at the same time preparing the topics.. but the most important thing that will encourage me is your comments. please comment and help motivate me to carry on further to sharing such valuable information to you.

So, we pointed out about the skills needed and the extra things what will be helpful to get the game on. Well, we will continue with that.

“How about dancing skills? Do you think a couple of lessons could be useful? It is worth the investment and it is also an excellent place to meet interesting women. You’d be surprised how many single and available women take dancing lessons. Some of them, in a view to find love”

Perfect woman has skills n talents.. find them there!

Surprised, Micheal said, “I always assumed that people who took dancing lessons went only as  couples. It never happened to me to go alone. I do like to dance but I don’t feel that comfortable with it. I think I might actually try it. But don’t tell the guys, okay?”

“Don’t worry, this is between you and me. Finally, always show a woman respect. Golf is a  gentlemen’s game. Be a gentleman with women. That is really important. You’re looking for someone to love and probably marry, maybe the mother of your future children. If you only see a woman as a sex object, you’re not going to get a very good start.

“Screw the stupid feminists and go ahead to open doors for her.. put your hand on the small of her back while you are guiding her through a room, help her with her coat, hold her hand, and give her warm hugs. The reason I say that is I think too many guys don’t think to show affection unless it’s sexual. Women don’t like men who are gropers.

“They want a man who is warm and affectionate. And ignore that crap about nice guys finishing last. If you want a good woman, she will surely appreciate who you really are as long as you aren’t a wimp. Remember to stay confident and that your job is to make her feel taken care of. If you acquiescing to what she wants – which is one of the biggest mistake ‘nice

guys’ make with women – she loses respect for you. And you need to be respected by a woman! she needs to respect and look up to you as well. That's what makes a man!

“Don’t swear in front of her. If she swears like a guy (which a lot of women do now) ask yourself if that’s the kind of woman you want. Sometime it’s okay but mostly it’s not. Get good at being respectful and you’ll get good at being in a relationship. You get what you sow!

“Be yourself but you should often practice different approaches and styles. Expand how you relate with people and it will rub off on how you relate to women. When you find something that’s comfortable for you, chances are you will notice you’re having more success by how women are responding to you. If you are comfortable with it, you are confident with it!”

Micheal listened as he wrote and signaled Coach Jake to continue.

“Now, you’ve consequently found the golf course that has your favorite qualities.” Coach Jake smiled. “It turns out you met her in a class you were taking, which is great because you both have something of interest in common.”

Micheal looked puzzled.

“Ohh, I think I forgot to mentions that lectures and workshops are mostly filled with women. Pick topics that you like and get out there. You just might meet your perfect woman. You wil easily make contact to discuss topics and conversation flows easier”

“Hey coach, there is one thing that I don’t get. When is a woman interested. Do you have any clues on that?”

Coach Jake smiled, “That’s a million dollar question boy and I’m glad you thought of it. I would have hated to skip something so important. One of the first signs a woman is interested is she’ll often drop her eyes when you look at her the first few times. Guys usually think that means she’s not interested. Wrong. If you look back and you catch her looking at you, she’s interested. you almost aced it then!

Coach leaned forward, with a bit more intensity in his expression, “But this is important, even if you have no clue – as long as she hasn’t been giving you the brush-off – think about how few women you meet that you really do find attractive. I don’t mean just sexy. There are plenty of those around. I mean she’s got that extra something that grabs your attention. Tel me yourself, which would be worse: not making an overture and maybe missing a great opportunity OR making a move and being rejected?”

 

“Ugh,” Micheal groaned, “I hate being rejected but I get your point. I’d never thought about it that way. I just focus on the discomfort of being rejected. I need to focus on the positives!

But now that you’ve opened my eyes, I don’t want to miss another opportunity again.”

“Good, because I can guarantee you’ve met your ideal match more than once but didn’t ever give you or her a chance to find out. You both lost out eventually. And remember, most women are waiting for you to take charge. Be the man! So they’re not going to make a move on you. And dont you think its more fun when you get to be the guy, even though it’s flattering when a woman comes on to you?” 

Sighing, Micheal agreed, “Yeah, I have to agree you’re right.”

“Okay, you’ve been going well through the driving range so you’ve become a natural at each of your shots. You’re a very good listener, you ask meaningful questions, you smile and treat her with respect.

“By the way, are you the kind of golfer who cleans his clubs after each shot and especially after each round?”

Micheal answered with caution, not being sure where Coach was going with this question, “Well, sure, of course. Only idiots don’t clean their clubs. But what has that got to do with finding a woman?”

“Micheal, I can’t believe you don’t see the connection. You’ve got to take just as much care of yourself as you do your clubs. Never let your hair go too long without a haircut, keep your clothes clean and pressed, your fingernails and toenails well manicured. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you?!”

Micheal laughed.

“I mean it. You have no idea how quickly women are turned off by badly maintained hands and feet. Trust me, it’s not worth the risk.”

Micheal’s mouth was hanging open in disbelief.

“Close your mouth Micheal, just note the point. It’s important.”

Micheal wrote as Coach Jake continued, “Keep your shoes polished and well maintained, don’t let your belts get frayed or stretched out of shape. Keep your car sparkling and cleaned out, and when it’s time for her to see your home, be sure it’s in perfect condition.

“And don’t let anything smell bad: You, your clothes or shoes, your car, or your home. Women are completely turned off by bad smells. I'm sure, you too? But don’t do the cologne thing either, unless it’s really mild. A woman should only smell your cologne when she hugs you. Preferably, just smell clean. Got it?”

“Yeah, sure, Coach. I never gave it so much thought but thankfully, I’m normally a pretty careful guy. But now I’ll pay closer attention. Wouldn’t want to lose out just because my shoes were scuffed or i had bad breath.” Micheal grinned.

“Well, here’s a good time for me to toss out some advice that has pretty big ramifications. Floss.”

Micheal’s eyes grew, questioning Coach’s sanity.

“I mean it, floss your teeth every night. Partly, because you’re much less likely to ever have bad breath and partly because there’s pretty conclusive evidence that flossing keeps you from having heart problems, keeps your immune system strong, may even help you live longer. You ace twice the benefits for one little thing. Just get in the habit – twenty one days and it will be automatic – and you’ll never have to worry about turning off a woman with bad breath. After all, you want a woman to want to kiss you, don’t you?” Coach laughed.

“Okay, okay!! I get the message. I’ll start flossing.”

They both laughed together. I'm sure you must be pondering, smiling and questioning too! So, please give us your feedback and comment below. Feel free to share any other tips you think is helpful until we see the woman's fantasy for her perfect prince.