Common Dating Mistakes Men Make and how to avoid dating mistakes

Common Dating Mistakes to Avoid

Let’s face it, dating doesn’t come naturally. And dating after the age of 30 or 40 is a minefield of potential mistakes that could make or break your chance of a terrific woman wanting to get to know you better. Some of those mistakes are of no real consequence, certainly not deal-breakers. So those aren’t the ones I’m going to be talking about.

It’s the mysterious mistakes that you’re unaware of that cause that great girl to want to get away as quickly as possible. It’s particularly puzzling when you think the date went well and she doesn’t want to go out with you again, with you wondering what the heck went wrong.

Because she’s uncomfortable telling you explicitly why she doesn’t want to see you again, you can only presume, and sadly, all too often, you end up writing her off as a bitch, which isn’t always the case.

Wouldn’t that feedback be useful? Without it, how are you going to develop your dating skills and build your confidence? If you don’t have a clue how you’re coming across maybe the following list of common mistakes will help you see something that you’ve been doing without realizing it.
 
What is the purpose of Self Improvement?

Why should you worry trying to advance yourself? Because the better you are at being a confident, masterful man, and at communicating with women and understanding what they want, the more fascinating and attractive you’ll be. And the better you get at showing up as a self-assured man, the higher the quality of women you’ll magnetize and the more women you’ll have to choose from.







The trade-off? You have to put some effort into improving yourself but you get to be the kind of man most women are looking for. Not bad, huh?


 

Where Did You Learn To Date?

Like most of us, you most likely learned to date when you were in high school, then “fine tuned” your skills in college, then got along by hit or miss after that. Even on the occasions when you got it right, did you know what you did? Can you repeat it?

So now, here you are, wanting to start dating seriously because you’re ready for a long-term relationship with a special woman with whom to share your life.

You head out on your first date. It seems to go pretty well, but she tells you she doesn’t want to go out with you again.

Then another first date. This woman isn’t interested in seeing you again either.

What’s going on, you wonder? You start to doubt yourself, “What am I doing wrong?”

You ask and she tells you there’s no chemistry, you didn’t know how to communicate, or you didn’t seem to be that interested. What are you supposed to do with that information?

So you stumble on, hoping that one of these days, you’ll meet the woman you’re looking for and, for a change, she won’t be a mystery.

The next post will give you much needed insight into the mysteries of dating women more effectively.

After you’ve read the 15 mistakes, you’ll be attractive to more of the women you meet and when that special woman comes along, she won’t be able to keep you off her mind. That’s when you get enthusiastic encouragement for a second date. Why? Because those women will be basking in your masculinity.

What Are You Looking For in a Woman?

I think it is a good idea to be very clear about what you want. Are you looking for a fling, a serious girlfriend, a long-term commitment, or marriage? Give this some hard thought. What are the consequences and responsibilities of each? If you’re looking for marriage, how do you want the financial responsibilities to be arranged? Do you want her to participate 50/50? Do you want children? Once you know the answers to these questions you’ll be able to choose more wisely.

So.. What are you looking for in a woman?

What age range will work for you? How flexible are you? How important is it that she looks a certain way? Are you open to being surprised by what you find attractive? If you have to have a blond who is ten or more years younger you might miss a terrific woman who is right under your nose.

Here is where it gets a bit tricky. When I asked men what they were looking for, generally their lists were not very long but a bit fuzzy. I want to give you some things to watch out for, and maybe even run the other way. In other words, beware of these:

1. Avoid any woman who is financially irresponsible. You will end up in a mess. Not making much money is not the same as having poor money management skills. You don’t need that kind of grief.

2. Avoid any woman who is angry with men. This is not immediately obvious so you need to dig a bit. If she gets into past relationships and she begins to get angry, she could end up taking it out on you.

Flush out any hidden anger by asking her if she thinks the feminist movement has harmed men and women’s ability to create loving, respectful relationships. If she hasn’t thought about it, the direction you want to explore is if she thinks it feels good to have a man be a woman’s hero, to want to be the man so she can enjoy being a woman.

There is something called The Feminine Grace. It’s all about how a woman can better enjoy being a woman so she can better appreciate why she wants a man by her side. If a woman you’re getting to know doesn’t like it, she’s angry at men or too into the Feminist mentality to be able to create a balanced relationship and you should walk away.

3. Avoid women who blame others for what’s going on in their lives. Blamers will end up blaming you and won’t ever take responsibility for their part of the dance. And it does take two to do the relationship dance. Blamers also tend to be angry and bitter. Definitely not what you are looking for.

4. Avoid spoiled women because they’ll be high maintenance. A high maintenance woman expects and assumes to be pampered, given gifts, taken care of without giving you the appreciation you deserve. A low maintenance woman is appreciative for everything you do for her and enjoys giving as well as receiving. Spoiled women are like a bottomless pit and are never happy. Plus, that kind of behavior is pretty ugly.

By the way, the more beautiful a woman is, the more likely she will be spoiled and high maintenance because people have always fallen over themselves to do for and give them.

5. If she ever, even once, says something to put you down you are in for some very big trouble. She is an emasculator and her scissors are somewhere near by.

6. Avoid women who are inconsistent. You don’t want to be blindsided by erratic behavior and you don’t want to be guessing all the time.

7. Avoid women who are emotionally wacky. Women can be emotional but if they are out of control be very, very careful. She can surprise you in some pretty scary ways.

8. Avoid women who are generally unhappy. You want a woman who is happy or you will have to work too hard and will get worn out. It’s another form of being high maintenance. This type of woman is too much work and she will never be happy, no matter how much you do for her. Happiness is an inside job and has everything to do with attitude and outlook on life. Be on the lookout when you are getting to know a woman.

9. Avoid women who have no close friends. She will expect you to be everything for her, which is too much for any man to take on. And there’s something intrinsically wrong with a woman who has no close friends. She is not emotionally healthy. Notice if you have been drawn to these types of women in the past. Some men enjoy rescuing women, but then wonder why they get worn out and beaten down. 
If you want a healthy, happy woman, you must expect the same of yourself.

In the beginning of a relationship, everyone is putting their best foot forward. Unfortunately, women can be very good at acting whatever part is required to snag a man. That is one reason you should wait at least a year, probably two, before marriage. In that period of time you will begin to see inconsistencies if she is putting on an act. Pay attention to how your friends and family feel about her. If they don’t like her, that should be a big red flag. They can be much more objective than you can because they are not emotionally invested and they haven’t been having sex with her. I think you’re getting the general idea. Don’t get blinded by a woman just because she’s attractive or good in bed. If you’re looking for a healthy, solid, long-term relationship, you want someone who is basically sound. You’d do no less if you were purchasing a car.

Choose someone who makes you feel good, someone who makes you feel like a better person because you are with her. It may take a little longer to find her, but it will be well worth the wait.

The Dating predicament

Relationships are tough, like a full time occupation, and we should treat it like one. If your girlfriend wants to dump you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and on the eve they are to leave, they should have to find you a temp!

How cool would that be? Unfortunately, it doesn’t work so and hence you need to make the effort!

Men say they just don’t want to deal with dating any more and it’s easier to stay home or go out with their men friends.

Women complain that their phone isn’t ringing. There is something seriously wrong.

Not only is it hard for people to meet, but it is equally tricky to know how to behave on a date. The overwhelming majority of single people DO want to meet someone, but they don’t know where to go. Here are some suggestions. Public lectures and workshops are excellent for meeting people with similar interests. They’re packed with women. So, men, start watching the paper and select topics that you find appealing. If you’re interested and she is, you begin with something in common.

Adult education classes are also good. Women tend to get out and do things because they prefer not to sit around and “wait for the mobile to ring.” Again, pick subjects you find fascinating.

The regular guy..

If you’re looking for a serious relationship, go to relationship classes and lectures. The women you find there are also interested or they wouldn’t be there. Be sure and watch for the wedding ring, though, because the proportion of married women at a relationship lecture is higher than a lot of other evening classes. But don’t be afraid to make friends with them. They know women who are single and good looking and you being at a relationship class or lecture will cause them to presume you’re a better catch than the regular guy.

As mentioned previously, dance classes are a good way to meet available women. Choose the kind of dancing you think you might enjoy (swing, ballroom, line, square, salsa, tango) and show up with an attitude that it will be pleasurable and maybe, just maybe, one of the women you dance with will be someone you’ll want to get to know. If you don’t meet anyone then you’ll be a superior catch because most women like a man who is a good dancer.

Never turn down a private party or wedding. It’s completely acceptable to go without a date and people are comfortable because they know at least the host and/or hostess. People are happy, their hearts are open, and they’re feeling festive, which makes them more open and friendly.

Public parties are good too, but people are not quite as comfortable. So you have to work a lot harder to get through their barriers. Normally, there are a lot of single, available, fun women at these kinds of events. Watch your local paper for theme events in public parks, dances, concerts, parades, and ticketed events.

The university often organises talks, and you get to meet university girls out there. Again, choose topic of your interest, it will make things easier.

There are also some religious talks and programmes. You will find religious and cultured girls out there. It is a perfect place to begin if you want a traditional housewife.

This may seem silly but a different fun way to meet is to borrow a puppy. Walk around or sit in a busy spot that will have a lot of happy people. Few can resist a cute puppy. Conversations begin very contentedly because you can focus on the puppy, and have something easy to talk about.

The reason to borrow a puppy is because bigger dogs don’t have the same result. Not everyone is a dog lover, but almost everyone love puppies. Don’t ever lie that it’s your puppy though. Just say it’s a friends’.

When you meet someone you want to get to know better, tell her you’re a little shy with women and someone said it’s a great ice-breaker. You’ll melt her heart.

If you do have a dog, and it’s well-mannered, do take it out to places where women will be walking: Along the beachfront, at malls, parks. If you have a dog, you want a woman who likes dogs and this is a perfect way to find only women who do.

The above suggestions make it easy to start conversations because there are built-in interests to get you started. Something to remember: everyone is just as nervous as you are and waiting for someone to get things underway. It might as well be you... and maybe a cute puppy.

Women are like Golf 5

“Here is some help turning that light of awareness on. Women talk to connect. It is not so much what they say as that they’re sharing with you. When they’re thrilled about something, or angry, or anything in between, they frequently want to tell you about it so they can share that feeling with you. So if you remember that she’s trying to connect with you, it will help.

“But to even things out, you should clarify to her that you are not really into the same stuff. And that you’re not as good a listener as her girlfriends might be. But tell her when she’s excited about something, you’ll pay attention, but not to wait for it all the time.

“Compare yourself to a computer. Tell her it’s more than your computer can handle and when there’s information overload, your computer just freezes up. She may not like it, but she’ll be grateful for that you want to listen and that you’re responsive of her need to share.”

“This is fascinating. Connecting, huh? I had no idea.” Micheal was looking a bit mystified. 

Connecting..

 “Yes, what she is really doing when she talks to you, at least most of the time, is connecting with you. She and her girlfriends share to connect and the more deeply they share, meaning talking about their feelings, the more deeply they attach with each other. She wants that same feeling of connection with you. It’s very significant to her. It’s like her means of support. It’s what makes it all meaningful.

“So if the details become too much for you, ask her how it makes her feel. Then it will be more personal. Just try to find a balance and stay open to communicating what’s going on for you. It’s the greatest souvenir you can give

her and the easiest way to make her happy; listen to her and let her know what’s going on for you.”

“Coach, I can see how that’s almost certainly one of the major reasons my relationships fall apart. I’m blameworthy of not listening. No wonder they dump me.” Micheal put his head in his hands as he realized he’d lost out on some great opportunities with the women he’d loved.

“Micheal, it’s never too late to begin to do it right. You’ve never had education so why would you think you’d be an expert at this stuff? Most guys don’t have a hint, they just make it up as they go.

“Here’s some delicate stuff. Do you think you’re a good lover?”

Micheal squirmed and said, “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

“How did you learn to make love to a woman? Bits of information here and there?”

Micheal nodded, afraid to meet his coach’s stare, realizing there was perhaps a lot more to be taught on this subject as well.

“I don’t think most men are very good lovers. Most men are happy with the snack bar at the turn. A quick sandwich and off to the tenth hole. Like the microwave. Zap! And it’s done. Or the big drive and no short game, no elegance”.

“With women, you need to use the oven. Look at any recipe and it says, ‘pre-heat oven.’ This is not snack bar time. It’s gourmet cooking.

“Romance is the key. Guys think romance is getting her ready for sex. That’s absolutely incorrect. Romance is something you do all the time to keep her in the mood to being open to having sex.

“Did you get that? There’s a clever difference. You want to keep her in the mood to being ‘open to having sex’ so when you move in for the real thing, because you’ve been making her feel exceptional, she’s as ready as you are.

“It’s really getting her ‘in the mood’ to ‘get into the mood.’ When you quit doing the romantic stuff, which almost always happens once things settle down and become comfortable, she begins to shut down and then you

wonder why she thinks you’re pawing her when you want to make love.

“Romance is like a door. It stays open if you do those little considerate things all the time. The longer you go without doing those things that make her feel special, the more likely she’s not only going to shut the door, she’s likely to lock it. Remember those club dues? Romance is like paying those club dues. If you go long enough without paying, they’re not going to let you play there any more.”

“Romance, huh? It’s not natural for me to think about that kind of stuff, but it does make sense. Puts a whole new spin on things.” Micheal stared at nothing in particular, lost in his thoughts.

Coach kept talking but raised his voice to get Micheal’s attention back, “Here’s something most people aren’t conscious of. It’s not all your fault that the romance dies down. See, when you become a couple, and the time you spend together starts to be more about just hanging out at each other’s places, the liveliness shifts over to nesting, at least for her. Remember that fantasy.

“In the beginning, you are doing for her, taking care of her, making her feel really special, going on dates, making preparations and buying her gifts. She’s receiving all your interest, soaking it up. You get to be the man – which is outward – doing for her, and she gets to be the woman – all about inward – receiving.

“Then, wham! You become a couple. Her nesting instincts kick in and she becomes ‘Nellie The Nurturer’. She starts doing for you, cooking for you, maybe cleaning, serving you out, making provision for your social life. She’s happily enjoying the fantasy.

Girlfriends connecting..

“And, Micheal, what do you do when this starts happening?” Coach waited for Micheal to respond.

“I didn’t even know this was going on so how could I know?” Micheal said defensively. Coach Jake waited.

“Okay, I guess I like it. It feels nice to let her do all that for me. But what does that have to do with me being less romantic?”

“Of course you like it. And because all of a sudden the weight is off of you, you relax and sit back and lie around in your woman doing all that for you. But then, she begins to hint that you’re not being as romantic. She’ll say things like, ‘You don’t take me out to nice restaurants any more.’ And you’ll say, ‘Sure I do.’ But then, you realize she’s right. So you make a big production of taking her out. The problem is, the energy has shifted and you’re not focused on her and she can feel it. Every once in a while just doesn’t feel as good as when you were working to win her over.

“You both become aware of the shift in energy, but you don’t identify what has changed. She begins to whimper and complain, you begin to back off and all of a sudden, one of you decides to call it quits.”

Women are like Golf 2

So, from last part you agreed that you need some coaching when it comes to dating the girl of your dreams, and realise the importance of it. Maybe there is a girl in your mind right now, or as you read further, that clicks something within you. Keep improving yourself, she will like it. Now lets continue.

After finding a quiet corner to sit and ordering a couple of coffees, Coach Jake handed Micheal a book.

“What’s this?” Micheal asked.

“It’s a journal. I want you to use it to make notes about things you notice about yourself, about the women you find eye-catching, and how you feel when you interact with them… and things like that.”

Micheal fanned through the blank pages and agreed he would try to do what his coach was  asking for.

Coach Jake smiled and began, “Let’s compare these lessons about women to golf rather than basketball. Okay? Because golf is a slower, more thoughtful game, requiring more finesse, which is what you need when it comes to women, right? ”

“Let’s imagine we’re looking for just the right golf club to join. First, you need to know what kind of course you like to play? Some guys like a flat course where they can score big.. but for me, I like a course that’s more interesting, with some challenges along the way. It’s got to be well maintained, thoughtfully laid out, with a few surprises along the way... That kind of course gets me thrilled just thinking about it and I can’t wait to get back out there, again and again. ”

“But before I commit, I need to go back several times to really get at ease with it. After all, this is a big decision and I don’t want to end up a member of the wrong club.”

Coach Jake stopped, “Is this getting through to you?”

“Yeah, I think so. Point one is I need to get clear about what kind of woman I like, then set a plan to find her. Right?”

Woman of your dreams

Coach smiled, “That’s right. I’d advise you to actually write in that journal I gave you, exactly what you want in a woman, get real clear. Most guys never do this. They go out there like a pinball machine. Just bumping into women, hoping they’ll score.

“So yes, make your list then ask yourself why you’ve got each of the items on your list. You can learn a lot when you ask why you want or like something. This way, when you meet her, you’ll recognize her.”

Micheal made some notes then looked up.

“The big choice that’s pretty darned final is selecting the club you want to join. Let’s compare that to the eventual decision, the woman you want to settle down with.

“Now, let’s compare dating to your selection of clubs. You demo a few sets before you invest, right?”

Micheal laughed, “Yeah...and that can be pretty fun.”

Coach gave Micheal a look that said, ‘Let’s stick to the lecture,’ and went on, “You need to get to know each club so you become familiar with what it can do for your game. Of course, you know your strengths and your weaknesses. You’ve learned to compensate but at the same time, your search for the best clubs really is about being able to play the best game possible so you won’t have to compensate for your weaknesses.”

Micheal was warming to the metaphor, “Okay. I need to get clear on what kind of course I want to play. That means I need to figure out what kind of woman I’m looking for. Then I date, get to know different women, learn what I have to offer and select the one who best fits with who I am. And I’ve got to test different clubs so I can play the best game I’ve got.”

“That’s right, you’re getting it. It’s amazing that a guy can put more deliberate thought into selecting clubs than he does selecting a woman. And your clubs can also be compared to your personal skills and attributes, what you bring to the game of dating. ”

“Here’s something else. When you’re looking for a new course, or the perfect club that will transform your game, you ask your golfing buddies, right? It’s the same with your search for the perfect woman. Your friends and your family are the best place to get references for women. They know you and they can better match you up than if you just waited until you bumped into someone. They already know a little bit about you and her, which is more than can be said about that lady you spot in the produce section. Not that you can’t meet a great woman at those types of places, but even when you do, it’s hard to get something going. ”

“So let them know that you’re getting more serious about finding a really great woman. Tell them what you’re looking for and that you want their help. But don’t just sit back and wait. ”

“Now it’s time to go to the driving range, to develop yourself, so to speak.. A lot of guys like to just get out on the course and hack around, never really improving their game. Those are the same guys who like to hit the big drive and could care less about honing their short game. Tiger Woods hits buckets of balls every day. ”

“So while you’re waiting for your friends to come through for you, go to your favorite places and practice. Practice your conversation skills, and remember that listening is the most important part of a conversation. Ask questions that will relax a woman and persuade her to reveal who she is and what she cares about. She’ll like it and you’ll be learning. Notice whether or not she asks you questions. If she’s not interested in you, then it’s best to move on to the next one. ”

“Practice smiling and focusing on to what will make a woman feel comfortable. If you think about her needs you won’t feel self-conscious. If you assume she’s nervous, you’ll keep in mind to do whatever you can to help her feel relaxed. Practice complimenting women. And don’t just tell her she’s beautiful, pretty or attractive. Women are into details so if you comment on how pretty a woman’s eyes are, how you like her jewelry, or how flattering the color she’s wearing is, she’ll be impressed. ”

Women like compliments about their hair because they’re usually insecure about it. They’re also really into shoes so if you like a woman’s shoes, especially if they’re sexy, let her know. But don’t tell her they look sexy though, tell her they make her legs look great.

“Dance around the sexy words. Don’t ever tell a woman you’re getting acquainted with that she looks sexy, or hot, or whatever the latest words are. She might be turned off. Instead, tell her she looks amazing, fantastic, gorgeous, breath-taking, or that you’re speechless. Save those words about how sexy she is and how much she turns you on for after you’ve gotten to know each other better and you’re getting close to having sex for the first time.

And practice your skills on women you’re not attracted to so you get good at it. That’s because the more attracted you are to a woman, the more likely you’ll be nervous. Women are turned on by a man who’s confident but turned off by arrogance. Self-assured is maybe a better way to put it.

Then, because you’ve been practicing, when you meet someone you’re attracted to it’ll be natural.”

Micheal was madly taking notes, wanting to get everything Coach Jake was telling him. In the next part, we will see what are the skills needed and the extra things what will be helpful to get the game on. keep tuned and look out for the next part.

Women are like Golf 1

So you want to know how to win a woman? just like you want to know how to do karate or dance, rite? what you need first, a coach isnt it? well, get on the drive while i will be coaching you all along.

To simplify things and make it more informal and easy to grasp, we will make it like a normal conversation between me and you. i know you are bored reading all those litterature out there.

so, lets get started. My name is Jake. Jake Brigance.

”Hey.. Micheal. What’s going on? The guys needed you out there today. Your passing was off, and you didn’t make one basket. What’s up?” After throwing Micheal a towel, Coach Jake sat on the bench hoping to find out why his best center was off his game.

“Aww, Coach, I’m sorry. I got dumped yesterday.” After drying off, Micheal wrapped the towel around his waist. “I’ll get over it. At tomorrow’s practice I’ll be fine.”

“Micheal, I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but isn’t this the third woman who’s told you to take a hike in the last couple of years?” Coach Jake waited for Micheal’s response.

Looking at the future - Making relationship last

“Boy.. Coach, you know how to strike a blow.” Micheal dried his hair more briskly, as if enough rubbing would make the problem go away. “If you’re trying to cheer me up, you’re doing a hell of a job. Actually, if you want to know the truth, it’s the third time in about nineteen months. I don’t know what’s up, but I can’t seem to get it right.”

Coach Jake smiled and put his hand on Micheal’s shoulder. “Where’d you get your coaching, Micheal?”

Perplexed, Micheal just looked at him.

“I mean, where did you gain knowledge of how to win a woman’s love? Did your parents have an awesome relationship?”

“I don’t know.. I never thought about it. I guess they just kind of coexisted. Probably like most couples. What are you getting at?” Micheal asked, getting irritated.

“Well, how’d you become such a good basketball player?” Coach waited for Micheal to answer.

Micheal thought for a moment, “I practiced and I lucked out and had good coaches, like you.”

Coach Jake’s face warmed at the compliment. “How did Tiger Woods become such a superb golfer?”

“Natural talent and great coaching, of course!.”

“He still has a coach, doesn’t he?” Coach Jake smiled. “Why is it when a guy wants to get his best out of a sport, he knows that he needs to find a coach that can help him be the best, but when it comes to something as significant as finding a great woman and creating a solid relationship, he thinks he can fly by the seat of his pants?”

“Well, it’s not like I can look in the yellow pages and find a relationship coach.” Micheal was getting defensive.

“Actually, you can, but how about I give you some coaching? My parents are a popular example for me and my brothers and sister and as a matter of fact, we all have better than average marriages.. so I know I can teach you a few things. Micheal, I think I can help if you’ll let me.” Coach Jake waited patiently for Micheal’s response. 

Happy forever after

 “Hey, why not? I don’t have anything to lose anyway. Let me get dressed, and then we can talk.” Micheal opened his locker and started pulling his clothes out.

“Great, why don’t we go over to the coffee shop and be comfy. Meet me in my office and we’ll go from there.”

If you agree that you need some coaching to decide about your perfect partner and it is of great importance to you, keep tuned and look out for the next part. You have nothing to lose.. the ball is in your court, WIN THE GAME!